My Heroine, In That I Want To Inject Her and Get High Off Her

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If you enjoy the American Idol you might enjoy my writeups of it in the Onion AV Club's TV Club section. Or not.

I do not watch "The Hills" but my hero right now is Heidi Montag, the girl from the show who I became aware of when she got a boob job and nose job "for revenge" (I'm not sure against what) and then went to various magazines to talk about how happy she was with the plastic surgery. She's also become famous for these obviously staged "candid" moments with her beau, a guy named Spencer Pratt. I don't know what he does but he looks like he's made of plastic.

So Heidi, having these talents, has put out a CD which came with a very cheaply made video, which immediately got mocked mercilessly by everyone who saw/heard it.

This hurt her feelings however. How do we know this? Cameras just happened to catch her reaction to the cruel (and probably jealous) taunts directed at her. We would have no idea what was going through Heidi's mind but fortunately her life is told in pictures (thanks to A Socialite's Life and especially to Pacific Coast News Online for being on the scene!)

Here is Heidi doing what I normally do when my feelings are hurt by others: pull on a gold lame jacket, drag a chair out to the curb and have a good cry in my tight jeans and electric blue pumps:

That chair doesn't really show off her nice abs though so it's time to cry in front of a door, with her significant other, who is so supportive, so very supportive:

But the trauma can't support her and she has to sit down for a second:

You jerks, now you've made Spencer sad, too.

"It's very cold"

Crying can give you a headache. Crying over what exactly? The things people said about your CD. Which CD you ask?

But you know what? This is America and dreams are free. Buck up, kid--time to stick two fingers in your pocket and look forward to a new, totally impromptu day.

Heidi in '08!