Which Candidate Is Right for You?

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Question 1: What's the best song about America?

a.) God Bless America.
b.) God Bless the USA
c.) Fight for Your Right (to party)

Question 2: What's the coolest color of camouflage?

a.) green
b.) beige
c.) bright orange

Question 3: What's up with taxes?

a.) they suck!
b.) they rule!
c.) I'm on welfare and am lazy and think everyone should fund my drug habit as I continue to get pregnant just to spite the rest of the country.

Question 4: Immigrants are...

a.) going to force this entire country to start speaking some other goddamn language.
b.) cool as long as they don't touch the jewelry.
c.) muy loco.

Question 5: What's most important to you re: health insurance?

a.) that I can get my dog's aura reconfigured at a low price.
b.) that it should be really expensive so I don't have to wait four hours in the ER
c.) I can't type because I lost my fingers in a factory incident and I am waiting for my worker's comp to set in.

Question 6: Should the gays be allowed to marry?

a.) no
b.) yes
c.) I don't believe in gays.

Question 7: What should be done about global warming?

a.) Let George Clooney take care of it.
b.) People who drive SUV's should be forced to wear signs around their necks saying "I Like to Steal Silverware from Restaurants" (which is more shameful to most people.)
c.) Let our guardian angels take care of it.

Question 8: What matters to you most in a candidate?

a.) cuteness
b.) good clothes.
c.) the ability to sing and dance at the same time.

Tally up your scores using your score card (provided in last Sunday's circular.)

If your score is under 100, your ideal candidate is:

Barack Obama, but only because you hate strong women.

If your score is between 100-500, you want to vote for:

Mitt Romney, because you want him to be your boyfriend

If your score is between 500-502, your best match is:

Ross Perot

If your score is anything else, you want your leader to be:

A Magic 8-Ball