I was looking at the ads in the New Yorker as I do enjoy doing, when I came across the CD of a guy who specializes in "Maine humor." Maine humor? What is that? I wondered. Is it jokes that only people in the state of Maine would get? That's kind of exclusive, isn't it, to the rest of us in the other 49 states? I imagined sort of folksy, Prairie-Home-Companion type crap.
I checked it out though and was relieved to find that it's not pro-Maine jokes, but it's anti-Maine jokes. Finally! We can stick it to those crabby, sailory, New Englandy jerks. Here are a few of my favorites:
Q: There are 5 Mainers in a Cadillac. They drive into the Grand Cannon. What is sad about this story?
A: A Cadillac seats 6 Mainers.
Q: How do you save a Mainer from drowning?
A: You take your foot of his head!
Q: How do you sink a Mainer submarine?
A: Leave the screen door open.
Q: Why is there no ice in Maine?
A: Because they can't find the recipe!
Q: Why did the Mainer shop at K-Mart?
A: Because he heard that little boys' pants were half-off.
Q: How can you tell a Mainer's been working at the computer?
A: Because there's white-out on the screen.
Q: How do you punish a Mainer?
A: By rearranging the furniture (only works with a blind and possibly deaf Mainer).