What's Up With Husbands?

Am I right, ladies?

I don't know if it's because of some crazy chromosome, or maybe they didn't get enough hugs as a kid, or maybe it's their terrifying psychological condition, but men sure do some nutty things sometimes!

They're always being so inconsiderate, like when they leave the toilet seat down or serve themselves first at dinner or overdose on anabolic steroids and fly into a psychotic, homicidal rage.

It's the same old thing. They go about their daily lives, taking you for granted, simply biding their time until they have to silence the screaming in their heads. Bo-ring!

And then, when you ask them to be spontaneous, what do they do? They murder you and your children and possibly themselves (or maybe just give themselves superficial bullet wounds to make it look like they had nothing to do with it). They just don't get it. That's NOT the kind of excitement we signed up for when we married you guys! Whatever happened to good old fashioned romance? Jeez louise. You don't need a gun to tell us that you love us and thus you need to send us to heaven where we can be saved. Use WORDS! Or better yet, a foot massage!

God love them though, right? There's something about the big lugs that just keeps drawing us back, despite the numerous warning signs, like lack of commitment or cruelty to animals or large gun collections. And when a neighbor's kid goes missing and they just stand there in the kitchen and shrug while hiding something behind their backs, we just melt all over again--until they forget to take out the trash! Men! Can't live with them, can't kill them, right? (It's because they tied our hands and feet with twine. Where on earth did they find twine, by the way, when they can't even find the place to put wet towels?)

The worst, and I mean the WORST is when they murder you and then linger in the house for several days before killing themselves. What kind of person does a thing like that? And you know they're night making the bed at ALL during that time.

I mean, sheesh!