Summer is here which means lots of kids are heading off to sleepaway camp for the summer, where they'll be titillated each night by creepy campfire stories (or promised they'd get these tales and then get a whitewashed version so their parents don't sue the camp later on for causing their little angels trauma.) I know mine at Camp Echo in Fremont, MI involved a man in the the white pants who escaped from the mental hospital not far by--the reason why this was scary was because on the drive up from Evanston, near Kalamazoo I believe you actually did see a sign for a state mental hospital. I think, anyway. So, it could happen.

The best scary stories are half based in reality so I want to share with you some of the tales that get passed around my studio apartment when I have guests in town and we all make S'mores over the electric stove and turn on off the lights, which aren't really necessary anyway when there's a night game over at Wrigley and the stadium lights are bright enough to read by.

1. My next door neighbor has terrible taste in music and he plays it SO LOUD I CAN HEAR IT THROUGH THE WALL and one time he made me hold the door open for HIM when i was carrying a bunch of stuff. Then he died when one of his cigarettes (which stunk up the entire hallway) burned him alive in his bed and now he returns every night at midnight and if you listen closely through the walls YOU CAN STILL HEAR STEVE WINWOOOOOOD.

2. Sometimes it's not that hot out but the wind makes a scary, screaming howling noise coming through the windows and I turn on the air conditioners when I go to sleep. Some say the noise are the cries of the woman who used to live here before me, who died mysteriously, but moreover, IT DRIVES MY UTILITIES BILLS THROUGH THE ROOOOOOOF.

3. One time I accidentally got a Playgirl magazine in the mail and I returned it to my neighbor, who I later found out is a 60+ year old man. BOO! And, Ew!

4. The Haunted Toilet, which may be too scary for younger readers.