Today is the day to avoid answering the question.
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Dear Donald Trump:
F you. Seriously. Two big middle fingers up to you.
You know why? You made me side with Rosie O'Donnell.
To be truthful, I didn't really care that much about Rosie in the first place. I didn't like her 'cutie patootie' schtick on her own tak show and of late I've definitely found her loudmouthed and unappealing at times, but a lot of that just has to do with the fact that she was on The View, a television show that makes me want to rip out my hair when it's on even in the vicinity of me (I mean I really hate this show. If I could murder a television show I would definitely try to put a cap in its ass.) Her little haikus and use of the letter 'u' instead of the word 'you' and such were irritating on her blog, but I basically got around all these problems by not watching the View, not reading her blog, and all the rest.
I could take her or leave her but I'd rather leave her.
But now, Donald, your assholishness has forced me to side with Rosie. How could I not? I'm sure you're saying all these things about her just for attention and part of me thinks it's just a big publicity stunt but I'm sick of you. Oh, I'm getting increasingly sick of her, too, as you continue to draw her in when she could just classily ignore it all, but you take the cake.
I just hope that from now on you start hating things that I love, because it's starting to feel to me that anything you hate, I love. If you hate terrorism, I hate freedom. If you hate chocolate, I want to install a river of it in my house. If you hate Mondays, it's suddenly my favorite day of the week.
So please don't start messing things up. Just either shut the f up for one moment or just make sure that the things you hate are things that I happen to already love (cheese, Diet Pepsi, my apartment, dogs, oxygen, sleep, having a drink when the sun is up, dessert) because I can't be on the same side as you.
And that TV show needs to get off the air.
PS Say hi to Ivanka. I talked to her once or twice when we were at Georgetown together and she seems like she's not a bad dude.