Rafael Palmeiro's Backup Excuses

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Today is the day to abandon your argument.

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Rafael Palmeiro's Backup Excuses:

You were really serious about all that?

I thought there was something about a mustache clause that excluded me from testing.

Some older, bigger players were doing them and they made me do them too.

Oh, you meant 'real' steroids. At the hearing, I thought you were talking about chocolate steroids. Which I still have never taken. Period.

It was Opposite Day when I testified. Didnít you know? Duh.

ëRoid Rage is quickly followed by ëRoid Repentence. I will not ëRoid Repeat the same ëRoid Wrong twice: really.

[Give them a few Viagra jokes, run out the door while theyíre still laughing.]

I caught them from Sammy, that chest-thumping son of a bitch. I knew I should have never shared a water bottle with him.

All I did was order an ìeverythingî bagel: is that so wrong?

Without the Hall of Fame, Iíll only have my millions of dollars to keep me happy.

Look over there! A gorilla!