Today is the day to double-fist.

Hey, don't forget to email M.J. Rose so that she can answer your sexy writing questions.

In case you haven't been following the social diary of New York, this week a brand-new Target opened in Brooklyn, which of course resulted in an opening bash worthy of its semi A-list guests and hipster throngs. Doesn't that look fun? How nutty, to socialize among the bleach. Only in New York, kids! Only in New York!

Not so fast.

You guys think that you are the only ones who can make a big deal out of the opening of a chain? Yeah right. You guys are sooo behind. And I have proof.

Photo from the Grand Opening Fete of WalMart in Columbus, Ohio. These girls are totally famous.

This is from the sneak preview of an exclusive Minnesota Arby's. These are all important PR people.

Ha ha! Look at Steve pretending like he works at Home Depot. This was at the Gary Home Depot's annual ball. He is worth billions, this guy.

The Southwest's It Boy takes home a 'goody bag' from a private concert at Sam's Club in Phoenix.

This party was so exclusive that only Million-Dollar-Donors were invited to the annual sit-down dinner at Old Country Buffet.

There are more, but I'm sure you've all seen the photos already. Geez, New York: catch up already!