June 16,
2004
Today is the day to give up in the second quarter.
Dear Zulk is Near Death
Dear Zulk,
We look to you to solve our dispute over who was the best sidekick ever. Our
candidates so far are: James Boswell, George Fenniman, Tonto, Andy Richter,
Bunter and Barney Fife. While we're at it, who was the worst? Ed McMahon or
Hillary Clinton?
Well. I don't know Boswell, Fenniman or Bunter and in my post-NBA Championship tizzy, I am too worked up to Google. Tonto has forever been expunged from the records as being a sidekick, since, excuse me, when have Native Americans ever played second fiddle to anyone, especially gay, mask-wearing, round-eye, gringo palefaces?
It's definitely a toss-up between Andy Richter and Barney, but in an upset, I'm going to have to give it to Barney, but it's not really based on sidekick capabilities. Richter loses points in the cool department with an upcoming show that's based on the unique concept of a household with many children. Fife played Mr. Furley on Three's Company, after all. Plus, he's pretty old, so let's just give it to him, eh? We can give it to Andy later.
I won't touch Hillary Clinton, as I sense there is a political charge to that mention, and I will endorse nor decry any candidate here. And if you were to decry Ed McMahon, a man who happily gives away millions of money to unsuspecting folks every year, then you are obviously some sort of sicko.
No, without a doubt, the worst sidekick ever is Kevin Eubanks,
who somehow sucks at the (sort of) unchallenging job of clutching his fake
guitar and pretending to laugh at Jay Leno's myriad hilarities? On the other
hand, Branford Marsalis couldn't get the hang of it, so maybe it is pretty
hard.