The evil quiz

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March 11, 2004

Today is the day to kiss your biceps.

ORDER MY BOOK! (and, you're going to come, right?)

As some of you may know, an evil quiz is being passed around the internet.  Friends email a link to each other, promising an 'amazing' test that will predict one's future in terms of love and sex.  The testtakers then fill out a handful of very personal questions about their love life, naively thinking that they will be entertained, perhaps enlightened.  It does strike the testtaker as being odd, meanwhile, that several of the questions have a very limited array of answers, forcing the testtaker to make very discriminating answers.
Then, they press 'enter' and the misery ensues. To the testtaker's dismay, he or she realizes that the answers to their quizzes are not mailed to them, but to the person who 'helpfully' sent them the link in the first place, therefore unwillingly confessing some deeply personal things to others.
I myself was duped and humiliated. However, as I dried my tears and unclenched my fists, I thought about how much worse the quiz could have been. Instead of merely asking about your sexual past, your sexual preferences and your lovers' names, think of the horror if some of the answers to the following questions (with the likely answer choices provided) were shared with others. Could you live it down?
What kind of cabbage do you prefer?  (Red/Green)
Who was your preferred brother on "Dif'frent Strokes"? (Arnold/Willis)
Speaking of which, are you racist? (Yes/Kinda)
Does your body have genitalia? (Yes/No)

How do you feel about your genitalia? (Foolishly proud/Miserably ashamed)

Are you attractive? (No/Not really)

How much does your current partner annoy you? (A lot/A good amount)
How would you like to kill them if you could get away with it?  (Axe/Poison/Axeandpoison)
Do you pick your nose? (Yes/Sometimes)

Hey, nice shoes (Thanks, my mom bought them for me/They're the only shoes I own)

Which was your favorite "Batman" movie?  ("Batman Forever"/"Batman and Robin")
Are you retarded, either mentally or in the vernacular way of acting foolish? (Yes/I Don't Know)
Have you ever done it with a fat chick? (Yes, she was the best I could do because I am sexually inept and unattractive as well /No, I have never had sex)
Why are you taking this quiz? (I'm an idiot!/I'm a huge idiot!)