Today is the day to wish my mom a happy birthday and my brother (now a lieutenant!) a happy graduation.

Doctor Hot Pants is here for you, usually. At the moment, she is studying her perky little butt off for the medical boards (yes, she is for real), so if she doesn't get back to your queries right away, have no fret; she's just working her way to becoming a better Dr. Hot Pants. She will answer when she has time.

The Doctor is In! Appointment #6

Dear Dr. Hot Pants,

I have chronic eczema. So, basically, I can conclude that God hates me, right? I'm looking for answer that will make me less bitter.
Thanks!

Claire (a different one)

Dear Claire,

Although as we all know my medical opinion is more or less worthless, my personal feeling is that having chronic eczema is not a sign that God hates you. The fact is that, while eczema is not always easy to deal with, there are far worse skin conditions out there that seem more indicative of divine wrath. An example that springs immediately to mind (because it is my all time favorite roundworm!) is infection with the filarial worm dracunculus medinensis, otherwise known as the "fiery serpent" that plagued the Israelites--an undeniably biblical association. It is true that with eczema you get painful itchy blistering skin lesions. But with dracunculiasis, you get painful itchy blistering skin lesions-- that eventually spontaneously burst to release living, crawling, disgusting worms! For pictorial evidence check out the bottom picture here. Doesn't that make you feel better about your own condition? The other good thing about eczema is that knowing what causes it (basically it's a type IV hypersensitivity reaction localized to the skin) means that there are treatments available from lifestyle modifications to prescription drugs. (Tacrolimus ointment in particular is a new and promising therapy.) And that is where eczema differs from, say, neurogenic dermatitis, in which you itch all the time for no reason at all! You can see where that would be difficult to treat. And there are millions of other diseases out there that make even dracunculiasis seem like a walk in the park, including many options that are both horrible and fatal. I know that might not sound particulary upbeat, but with such a wide range of possibilities out there, it is hard to believe that any one disease is a direct curse from God. So really it is something to be optimistic about! God doesn't hate you! He doesn't even dislike you! You have absolutely nothing to worry about! Except, of course, for all those millions of diseases I just mentioned, any one of which could strike at any time...but since I have to memorize them all by next week anyway, you can just leave that worrying to me.

Hope that makes you feel better!
DHP

Dear Dr. Hot Pants,

Is it true that if you sneeze with your eyes open, your eyes will pop out of their sockets?

Thanks for your help,

Sneezy Dwarf

Dear Sneezy,

Honestly, I have no idea. But let's hope that it's not true, or all these people at will be in serious trouble. And really, doesn't it kind of seem like they have enough problems already?

sincerely yours,
Dr. Hot Pants