April 10, 2003

Today is the day to know that my birthday tax day is in five days.

Ask Dr. Hot Pants a question. She's ready to help, with advice, or a shot of tequila.

As you may know, I am currently without a job. And when I'm not industriously applying for jobs and bettering myself a a human being, I've been watching a buttload of DVD's. The thing about DVD's is that they often feature these extra, uh, features, including nutty alternate endings to the movies. They're pretty crazy sometimes. You should stop reading now if you don't like spoilers, but here are some of the alternate endings to movies that have come out recently or that I have watched of late:

X Men: The X-Men and their enemies wake up as nomal human beings. It was all a dream.

Secretary: Maggie Gyllenhaal goes back in time and meets Melanie Griffith from "Working Girl" and form a superhero duo of secretaries.

8 Mile. Eminem realizes that white men can't jump, let alone rap. He moves to Cincinatti and becomes a stockbroker.

Igby Goes Down: Igby changes directions, meets George Burns in heaven.

Twenty Four Hour Party People: They all fall asleep.

Maid in Manhattan: J.Lo is passed over for somebody uptight, rich, blonde, and definitely not a maid.

Swept Away: Remember what happens to the bad guy who drinks from the wrong cup in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"? That happens to Madonna.

Jackass-The Movie: Johnny Knoxville and Steve-o fall in love, are engaged in a commitment ceremony and promptly get in a slapping fight. There's a midget in there somewhere.

Sweet Home Alabama: Reese Witherspoon is uncute and unperky for about 2.5 seconds. Then the rest of the ending proceeds as planned.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding: Everyone dies in a horrible saganaki disaster.

About a Boy: Turns out that it was about something else entirely.