Lies about me

MARCH 1 , 2002

Today is the day to think twice before piercing a body part you're going to use in the near future.

Rabbit rabbit, everyone. That's something my dear old friend Tracy taught me back in high school. When it's the first of the month, you say "Rabbit rabbit" to somebody, and if it's the first time that they heard it that day, then you get good luck. If not, well then you just keep trying, you lazy bastards. I'm not a superstitious person (except for the fact that I haven't changed my underwear since our high school football team beat the crosstown rivals, those jerks at New Trier) but for some reason this stuck in my head. So I'm passing it, and the savings, on to you.

So, yes, yesterday I believe I did pass on a bit of false information (but in saving my ass, I also believe I did say that I wasn't sure if it was 100% true.) In retrospect, it was about 10% true. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry about it. I think that I'm basically going to take the Pentagon's stance of purposefully putting out false information. Like:

  • My name is not actually Claire. It's Giancarlo.
  • Red Bull is a delicious drink that makes you sexy and speak with a British accent.
  • The action at Majestic Star Casino is not hot..
  • My weekend is going to be so much cooler than yours.
  • Everybody appreciates hearing what you have to say at 8:15 a.m. on the El on the way to work.
  • It's attractive when guys wear black socks to the gym.

Anyway. Today concludes the reading week for Zulkey.com but so much comes to you in the future. Kangaroo stories (still accepting ideas.) Interviews. Further hilarious banter. Perhaps a nugget of truth now and then. Who knows? Also, eventually this might be listed on one of those fancy "search engines" they have on the Internet so I won't be the only person checking this site.

So have a great weekend, everybody. If you're in Chicago, stop by the Museum of Contemporary Art after work where my friend Lauren is sure to regale you with her horrific tales of med school, which sound a lot more fun than they should because she has a very cheerful voice. I, meanwhile, will
be drinking.